In weighing up the two themes I was considering posting on today – ‘friends’ and ‘lying’ – I came to a conclusion. While not containing the same enthusiasm as Kramer, surely it’s better to be out there than trying to cover my tracks all the time.
It’s not like I’m renouncing my faith, walking away from my wife or buying the entire back catalogue of Glee DVDs. This shouldn’t be a big deal, right?
The design to keep the fact that I’m taking a year off watching sport to myself was made in order to keep people from having to adjust their plans around me. If my mates wanted to get together for Thai food and footy, who was I to stop that?? I could just work around it.
But as I noted in the last post, this was going to come to a head soon enough. There’s only so long you can go in a behavioural shift like this without people noticing. Plus, if you have to lie to hide what’s really going on, well … let’s just say that it’s not the best feeling in the world.
The challenge I still have not gotten my head around is how to communicate to my friends that they are still important to me without participating in many of the activities that have defined our mateships in the past. So far I have tried being proactive and creative, trying to make plans that were more in tune to what I’m trying to achieve. That’s been great. But when you get a reciprocal invite that involves the very subject you’re seeking to avoid, how do you knock that back without it being a slap in the face? There’s only so much fast talking you can get away with!
This is me
Better to be real about what’s going on than play games with friendships. (That’s what I always say!) I’ve decided that I’d rather people know about what’s really going on for me and decide themselves whether to adjust their plans or let it be, than continue to lie, make excuses to various degrees of authenticity or simply be ‘unavailable’.
The people who have been told so far have generally been pretty supportive. What might irk me is a, ‘That’s a good thing you’re doing, you are pretty immersed,’ from people who spend just as much or more time than I do in their own sporting pursuits. But it’s not to me to shove it down their throats… The goal of this isn’t to instigate a huge cultural change in all the people I know. Plus – selling a vision – not so much a strength of mine…
And that’s what I need to get back to; the original goal of all of this. Being pro-active with family, neighbours and people for whom the weekend or other down time might not necessarily see contact. Get off the recliner (God bless it) and engage with the world around me. Be a man.
So, I’m out. I might not be ‘lovin every minute of it’, but hey, it’s a start!