Getting online on Boxing Day, I had a moment to think about what might make the front page news. Being the topic of a recent post, I knew it wouldn’t be about Christmas, maybe the Boxing Day sales, possibly the storms … definitely the cricket!
Yes! I am 1 for 1 and I’m not entirely sure I’m awake yet… 🙂
(As an aside, nice to see there that China didn’t break for the Christmas period and are continuing to jail ethnic Chinese staff working for Australian firms. Am so glad that they’re becoming the biggest market in the world…)
If you live in Melbourne, you may have noticed the storm on Christmas Day! We got hit hard, both where I live and at my dad’s property in Taggerty, about 100km east of Melbourne.
Driving home at 11pm, it quickly became apparent that this would be no ordinary trip back. There was debris everywhere and the 100km/h limit was quickly re-evaluated to about 40, in order to swerve around the different-sized parts of trees strewn all over the place.
It was seriously a perilous trip, Mrs E was not enjoying it either, and if I had been able to relax for a moment, I would have likened it to some kind of rally car event, or with the Senna doco still fresh in my mind, F1.
(Second aside – on the Senna doco, do yourself a favour. See it. One of the best docos you will ever come across. No narration, just pure footage of an incredible story and a heartbreaking tragedy for his family and the people of Brazil. It’s right up there as the best of all time, alongside ‘Wrestling with Shadows’, ‘Beyond the Mat’ and ‘Arrested Development’…)
Getting home safely (thank you God), thoughts about the different types of ‘sporting events’ we’d engage in over the Christmas period started to permeate.
So, here are the top 5 sporting analogies of the Christmas season!
5. Christmas presents – I am lucky in that this is far more ‘hit’ than ‘miss’ in my family. Still, receiving ridiculous presents that you wouldn’t even give anonymously in your work Kris Kringle, can provide ample opportunities to present your fake smile and conjure up a credible scenario in which you will use the aforementioned ‘gift’.
Best sporting analogy – I can’t get the theme of ‘fake!’ out of my head in trying to prove that, ‘No really, I love it!’, so WWE wrestling it is!
4. Multiple meals!
I was chatting with some friends last night, and their Christmas day/period was one that mirrors many, you would think.
Part of their experience includes Christmas lunch with pretty much all members of the family from 12-4.30pm, which involves 30 people and plenty of chaos, but you have to watch your clock closely, because people have different events to then attend, + Grandma has to be back home for 5pm, as that’s when dinner is served. And you don’t miss 5pm dinner. Because of course you’d be starving at 5, as you finished lunch just after 4. But then again, you head to bed at 7 and are probably up at 5. My head hurts…
Oh, and by the way, this is followed by a dinner from 5-10pm+, with the same people!
Forgive me the italics, but this is why Festivus was created. Please note that I said ‘pretty much’ all members of the family, because 2 days later they do the same thing all over again! This time it also includes the 2 members of the family who missed the Christmas Day festivities!
Best sporting analogy – You have to be on your game to get your logistical head around all this, so I’m going with a non-sport to kick things off – Amazing Race it is!
3. Just driving around! – I know I have mentioned this theme already, but there’s no greater irony of the Christmas season than the angry, angry people on our roads! I don’t watch a lot of live-to-air tv, but even I know that there’s a massive focus by the police force over this period. Rightly so.
The amount of moronic driving I have seen over the past week or 2 is incredible. P platers, I’m looking at you… Peace, love, remembering the birth of Jesus, anyone? Anyone?! In Queensland alone, they picked up 3,000 speeding drivers in the first 24 hours around Christmas Eve. Three thousand!
Best sporting analogy – Take your pick from rally car racing, F1 or Frogger =>
2. Christmas meals with extended family – Firstly, a disclaimer – I love my family, and Mrs E’s! But I know that for many, Christmas meals can take every ounce of energy and spirit, what with other people’s rude or overtalkative partners (‘shartners’ – ask me later…), chaotic eating scenes, dodgy uncles, cousins who you never liked when you were kids so making an effort as an adult is excruciating, bringing food that never gets eaten or seen again as it becomes lost in an avalanche of over catering and little kids running rampant as parents log out from their responsibilities for a couple of hours…
Best sporting analogy – I was going to go with chess, as it takes enormous concentration to get through it and do it well, although gymnastics or synchronised swimming are contenders as they are excruciating to witness. But I ended up with UNO, as it is the closest mirror to the chaos that pervades these meals, but you often end the game, and the meal thinking, ‘That was great!’
1. Shopping for Boxing Day Sales – You have to be serious about your shopping and love of a bargain to head out to any major shopping centre over this time. There’ll be people everywhere, crazy women with determined eyes, pointy elbows and a trolley or baby pusher to be used as a weapon. No thank you…
Best sporting analogy – UFC mixed martial arts. These sales are full contact, body on body battles to the death.
Well, there’s the top 5, and could easily have been 6 if I had of explained ‘Nana Bingo’ in full. In order to protect the not so innocent, I haven’t outed them, but believe you me, Friend X is ab-so-lutely onto something!
On Thursday, however, we switch gears to the topic of cheating in sport. Something tells me Mike Hussey may be interested…